1
00:00:28,416 --> 00:00:30,458
I don't mind
2
00:00:31,291 --> 00:00:35,000
Letting you down easy
But just give it time
3
00:00:35,625 --> 00:00:39,833
If it don't hurt now
But just wait, just wait a while
4
00:00:39,916 --> 00:00:43,916
You're not the big fish in the pond
No more
5
00:00:44,666 --> 00:00:47,875
You are what they're feeding on...
6
00:00:47,958 --> 00:00:50,291
Hm. Something's missing.
7
00:00:51,541 --> 00:00:53,250
It's not quite right.
8
00:00:56,583 --> 00:00:57,708
Yup, nailed it.
9
00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,666
Hey, give me your hand.
10
00:01:00,166 --> 00:01:04,000
Everyone who is ever mean to you
will die one day.
11
00:01:04,083 --> 00:01:06,833
I would be so lost without you.
12
00:01:06,916 --> 00:01:08,250
Aww.
13
00:01:08,333 --> 00:01:10,375
- I'm gonna need this shirt too.
- Of course!
14
00:01:47,666 --> 00:01:48,875
Why are you wearing scrubs?
15
00:01:48,958 --> 00:01:51,166
Uh, they're not scrubs.
16
00:01:51,250 --> 00:01:54,791
They're prototypes
for Deadstock's new line of matching sets.
17
00:01:54,875 --> 00:01:57,166
It's pajama core, but lazy coded.
18
00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:59,166
They say "MD" on them.
19
00:01:59,250 --> 00:02:02,083
Yeah, "Maison Deadstock."
What's confusing about this?
20
00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:05,750
You should really lock your front door.
What if there was a burglar?
21
00:02:05,833 --> 00:02:08,166
What's he gonna steal, our microwave?
22
00:02:08,250 --> 00:02:11,583
Joke's on him, it's too hot to touch
and has been for months.
23
00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:16,083
Ugh. I can't believe you live like this.
24
00:02:16,166 --> 00:02:20,083
If you hate our place so much,
why are you always here?
25
00:02:20,166 --> 00:02:23,416
Uh, if I didn't come over,
you'd still be living with that gas leak.
26
00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:25,666
Hey, we loved that smell.
27
00:02:25,750 --> 00:02:28,333
My sleep has been terrible since then.
28
00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:30,041
I'm going to look for an apartment soon.
29
00:02:30,125 --> 00:02:33,250
I just have a very specific list of needs,
and I'm inflexible on all of them.
30
00:02:33,333 --> 00:02:35,791
This is New York. You can't be too picky.
31
00:02:35,875 --> 00:02:38,958
Yesterday, I found a baby's pacifier
in my salad, and you know what?
32
00:02:39,041 --> 00:02:39,916
I ate around it.
33
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:44,416
Plus, we get a great deal on rent because
I used to hook up with our landlord.
34
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,583
The old Polish guy?
35
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:50,750
Yaroslav's actually 32,
but he's been through a lot.
36
00:02:52,458 --> 00:02:56,541
Ugh! Well, I'll eventually
get around to finding an apartment.
37
00:02:56,625 --> 00:02:58,666
As long as it doesn't
look like your place.
38
00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:00,125
You're living in squalor.
39
00:03:00,208 --> 00:03:02,708
It's actually pretty hard
to get an apartment in SQuAloR now.
40
00:03:03,541 --> 00:03:07,041
South Queens along Rockaway?
It's really starting to get gentrified.
41
00:03:07,125 --> 00:03:08,875
They already have five Sweetgreens.
42
00:03:13,875 --> 00:03:16,541
Are you trying to vape that USB stick?
43
00:03:16,625 --> 00:03:17,625
What? No.
44
00:03:17,708 --> 00:03:19,875
Hello, Greta and new Greta.
45
00:03:19,958 --> 00:03:22,291
I'm looking for someone
to write an article
46
00:03:22,375 --> 00:03:25,125
on this new celebrity diet drug, Mother.
47
00:03:25,208 --> 00:03:26,541
Mother?
48
00:03:26,625 --> 00:03:29,250
Rumor has it
that before Dua Lipa went on it,
49
00:03:29,333 --> 00:03:31,583
she was more of a Quattro-Lipa.
50
00:03:31,666 --> 00:03:33,541
I can write it. Unless you want to.
51
00:03:33,625 --> 00:03:37,000
No, this is good. This makes up
for the time I played Gigi Van Tranh
52
00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:39,041
in my high school production
of Miss Saigon.
53
00:03:42,541 --> 00:03:44,666
Are you sure you're up for it?
54
00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:47,750
Mother is still under
the FDA classification
55
00:03:47,833 --> 00:03:49,458
of celebrity use only,
56
00:03:49,541 --> 00:03:52,875
but if it doesn't kill anybody
before awards season,
57
00:03:52,958 --> 00:03:54,791
they'll accelerate approval.
58
00:03:54,875 --> 00:03:55,958
Oh, I'll be fine.
59
00:03:56,041 --> 00:04:00,291
A psychic told me how I was gonna die,
and it's surprisingly not from drugs.
60
00:04:00,375 --> 00:04:01,458
Great.
61
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:05,083
Take it over the weekend
and have the report on my,
62
00:04:05,166 --> 00:04:07,208
I believe it's called "desk,"
63
00:04:07,291 --> 00:04:08,541
by Monday.
64
00:04:11,541 --> 00:04:12,500
Huh.
65
00:04:12,583 --> 00:04:14,333
I feel like my belly button is--
66
00:04:14,416 --> 00:04:15,833
Erect. Yes.
67
00:04:15,916 --> 00:04:18,750
Don't worry. It will only get harder.
68
00:04:22,458 --> 00:04:24,541
I don't know, Eunice.
Are you sure it's safe?
69
00:04:24,625 --> 00:04:26,708
Are you kidding? I feel incredible.
70
00:04:26,791 --> 00:04:29,458
Sure, my vision's a little blurry,
and I have dry mouth,
71
00:04:29,541 --> 00:04:32,541
and my eyebrows are on fire,
and it hurts to hear stuff,
72
00:04:32,625 --> 00:04:34,291
but I've never felt better.
73
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:37,375
Great news, everyone.
I've decided to find an apartment.
74
00:04:37,458 --> 00:04:38,291
That's great.
75
00:04:38,375 --> 00:04:40,041
And you two are gonna help me look.
76
00:04:40,125 --> 00:04:42,458
But... but I'm gay.
77
00:04:42,541 --> 00:04:46,125
Look, I am brand new to the city
and you've lived here for seven years.
78
00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:49,291
Plus, every night you get high
and watch Architectural Digest tours.
79
00:04:49,875 --> 00:04:51,750
Hello, Architectural Digest.
80
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,208
I'm Cara Delevingne,
81
00:04:53,291 --> 00:04:56,708
and this is the run-aground submarine
I call home.
82
00:04:56,791 --> 00:05:00,625
Ooh. This is a good one.
She has a piano shaped like a nipple.
83
00:05:00,708 --> 00:05:03,291
Please, you guys.
I'm asking for your help.
84
00:05:03,375 --> 00:05:05,958
I guess I can clear my schedule.
85
00:05:06,041 --> 00:05:09,708
The last day of jury duty
is usually just a pizza party, right?
86
00:05:10,291 --> 00:05:13,208
She's so picky!
She's going to take up all our time!
87
00:05:13,291 --> 00:05:15,833
The sooner we help her,
the sooner she's out of our hair.
88
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,083
Ugh. Fine.
89
00:05:17,875 --> 00:05:19,875
Hey, have you seen my battery pack?
90
00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:21,416
You left it at the gym.
91
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:24,333
I put it in your room.
It's charging your vibrator as we speak.
92
00:05:24,416 --> 00:05:25,500
You're so sweet.
93
00:05:25,583 --> 00:05:28,250
It's rude to do telepathy
in front of other people.
94
00:05:28,333 --> 00:05:31,458
You and Mom and Dad
use your secret language in front of us.
95
00:05:31,541 --> 00:05:34,250
It's Mandarin, and you went
to Chinese school for six years.
96
00:05:34,333 --> 00:05:36,208
- You should know it too.
- Oh, wait.
97
00:05:36,291 --> 00:05:38,916
My friend Derek is a realtor.
I'll send you his contact.
98
00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:42,500
"Derek Equinox bathroom." Oh, gross!
99
00:05:42,583 --> 00:05:46,500
Yes, we met in a gym bathroom,
but it's not what you're thinking.
100
00:05:46,583 --> 00:05:49,250
- We had anal sex.
- That's exactly what I was thinking.
101
00:05:49,333 --> 00:05:52,500
Well, you shouldn't think that.
You're my sister.
102
00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:55,500
Don't you think it's weird
that every single person in your life
103
00:05:55,583 --> 00:05:57,583
is just someone you've hooked up with?
104
00:05:57,666 --> 00:06:00,583
Your lawyer, your landlord,
all the flying monkeys in Wicked.
105
00:06:00,666 --> 00:06:03,083
It's not my fault
I have a raw sexual magnetism
106
00:06:03,166 --> 00:06:05,208
and a fetish for getting great deals.
107
00:06:05,291 --> 00:06:08,291
I'll set up some apartment viewings
with Derek, and we'll join you.
108
00:06:08,375 --> 00:06:09,875
Oh, and if you need a contractor,
109
00:06:09,958 --> 00:06:13,250
you should talk to my friend
"Ethan American Airlines Cockpit."
110
00:06:13,750 --> 00:06:14,583
What?
111
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:18,833
So, Derek, to recap,
I need a building with a doorman,
112
00:06:18,916 --> 00:06:21,416
a terrace, walk-in closets,
a view of Central Park.
113
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:24,291
It has to be child-friendly,
but also have no children nearby.
114
00:06:24,375 --> 00:06:27,666
And it needs to be post-war,
meaning post-War On Terror.
115
00:06:27,750 --> 00:06:29,416
Is your husband joining us?
116
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:30,958
Oh, God, no.
117
00:06:31,041 --> 00:06:33,458
Warren and I have discreetly disengaged.
118
00:06:33,541 --> 00:06:34,916
A phrase I just coined.
119
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,583
I will be living with my lover, Peter.
120
00:06:37,666 --> 00:06:42,000
I'm his soulmate,
his mentor, his silly rabbit.
121
00:06:42,083 --> 00:06:44,416
- Aww, does he call you that?
- No.
122
00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:47,916
You're a good boy. Yes, you are.
123
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,333
Yo, dude, your dog is all slippery. Ow.
124
00:06:51,416 --> 00:06:52,750
Eunice, are you okay?
125
00:06:52,833 --> 00:06:54,791
I'm testing a new diet drug for work.
126
00:06:54,875 --> 00:06:57,500
My blood's moving around really fast.
Can you tell?
127
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,583
Andrew, are you sure
you don't wanna take her vitals?
128
00:06:59,666 --> 00:07:01,000
Oh, I'm not a doctor.
129
00:07:01,083 --> 00:07:02,833
You're wearing a stethoscope.
130
00:07:02,916 --> 00:07:04,000
It's a necklace.
131
00:07:04,083 --> 00:07:06,458
Wha-wha-wha,
I thought you guys knew each other.
132
00:07:06,541 --> 00:07:09,708
Yeah, we only really know
what each other's penises look like.
133
00:07:09,791 --> 00:07:12,083
Okay, well, now that we're all here,
134
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:16,791
I'm happy to report that this building
fits all of Ruthie's criteria. Shall we?
135
00:07:19,458 --> 00:07:21,125
Oh! This place is stunning.
136
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:24,333
2,900 square feet, in-unit washer-dryer,
137
00:07:24,416 --> 00:07:26,791
maids' quarters,
state-of-the-art fitness center,
138
00:07:26,875 --> 00:07:30,458
and if you don't like your view,
once a year, they rotate the building.
139
00:07:30,541 --> 00:07:31,541
I'll take it.
140
00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:32,583
Ah, perfect!
141
00:07:32,666 --> 00:07:36,458
And you're getting a great deal.
It's only $52 million.
142
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:40,291
What do you have
that's a little more in my price range?
143
00:07:40,958 --> 00:07:43,583
I think this apartment
is much more to your taste.
144
00:07:43,666 --> 00:07:44,958
Very cozy.
145
00:07:45,041 --> 00:07:46,458
Look, it has...
146
00:07:47,291 --> 00:07:48,750
floor-to-ceiling walls.
147
00:07:48,833 --> 00:07:51,333
Hey, think of how much
you'll save on Windex.
148
00:07:51,416 --> 00:07:55,333
This place rocks. I love how the ceiling
is breathing in and out.
149
00:07:55,416 --> 00:07:56,708
I feel like I'm in a coffin.
150
00:07:56,791 --> 00:08:00,750
Oh, if you're open to coffins, I can get
you one in Midtown for 3,300 a month.
151
00:08:00,833 --> 00:08:03,791
There is a clump of hair
in the kitchen sink.
152
00:08:03,875 --> 00:08:05,458
This is unacceptable.
153
00:08:05,541 --> 00:08:08,541
Oh, I think that's mine. My bad. Mm-hm.
154
00:08:09,041 --> 00:08:12,541
I have one last unit we can view today,
but please keep an open mind.
155
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:15,375
Okay, but the last time
I kept an open mind,
156
00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:18,125
I ended up at my ex-husband's
adult a cappella concert.
157
00:08:18,208 --> 00:08:21,583
Why you gotta be so rude?
158
00:08:21,666 --> 00:08:24,166
Don't you know I'm human too?
159
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:27,333
Ugh. He added
an eight-minute beatbox solo.
160
00:08:27,916 --> 00:08:30,916
As you can see, this place
has decent square footage,
161
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,375
all new appliances,
a partial view of the city,
162
00:08:33,458 --> 00:08:35,833
and it's firmly within your price range.
163
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,750
I just need a second opinion. One sec.
164
00:08:39,583 --> 00:08:41,500
Let me just silence this. Sorry.
165
00:08:41,583 --> 00:08:42,500
Damn it.
166
00:08:42,583 --> 00:08:45,833
Oh, hi, Ruthie.
This isn't a great time. You know, work.
167
00:08:45,916 --> 00:08:48,541
I'm viewing apartments.
I thought you'd wanna see the contenders.
168
00:08:48,625 --> 00:08:50,750
Since you might
be spending a lot of time here.
169
00:08:50,833 --> 00:08:54,000
That's Peter, Ruthie's married boyfriend.
170
00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:57,000
Married boyfriend?
God, the straights are catching up.
171
00:08:57,625 --> 00:08:59,916
So, what do you think of this place?
172
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,166
Uh-huh. Looks great, babe.
173
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,500
Is this room big enough for a nursery?
174
00:09:04,583 --> 00:09:05,583
Yeah, totally.
175
00:09:05,666 --> 00:09:07,750
Shit, was that a buoy or a seal?
176
00:09:07,833 --> 00:09:11,250
This is just a really big decision,
and I wanna make sure it's perfect.
177
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,250
Yep, I'm sure you'll pick the best boat.
178
00:09:13,333 --> 00:09:15,000
- Apartment.
- What?
179
00:09:15,083 --> 00:09:17,708
- I'm looking for an apartment.
- I don't have time for this.
180
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,541
Super busy, you know how it is.
181
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:23,083
Wait, is that a bachelorette party?
Take your top off!
182
00:09:23,166 --> 00:09:24,458
Peter's right.
183
00:09:24,958 --> 00:09:26,083
I deserve the best.
184
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,833
This place isn't good enough.
185
00:09:27,916 --> 00:09:31,375
Cool. Now both of my legs are vibrating.
186
00:09:31,458 --> 00:09:33,208
Nope, getting a call. Hang on.
187
00:09:33,291 --> 00:09:34,458
Hi, Jane.
188
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:38,250
If you're looking for your phone again,
it's in your hand. You're talking into it.
189
00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:39,750
No, it's not that this time.
190
00:09:39,833 --> 00:09:42,583
I'm calling to check in
on how Mother is going.
191
00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:44,875
Oh, it's good. It's good.
192
00:09:44,958 --> 00:09:47,833
One thing,
I am starting to feel really tired,
193
00:09:47,916 --> 00:09:50,125
and I'm tasting rusted metal all the time.
194
00:09:50,208 --> 00:09:53,166
Mm-hm. Mouth blood.
That's how you know it's working.
195
00:09:53,250 --> 00:09:57,333
It's just, if my side effects get worse,
I should stop, right?
196
00:09:57,416 --> 00:10:02,375
Legally, I am required to tell you
that you can stop at any point.
197
00:10:02,458 --> 00:10:06,333
But I do see this as a sign
of your dedication to Klerp.
198
00:10:06,416 --> 00:10:10,000
I'd hate to have to give
this opportunity to Greta instead.
199
00:10:10,083 --> 00:10:14,083
Before I promoted her to assistant editor,
she once took a bullet for me.
200
00:10:14,166 --> 00:10:15,125
Oh my God!
201
00:10:15,208 --> 00:10:18,208
A Nutribullet.
She took it back to the store for me.
202
00:10:18,291 --> 00:10:20,000
Shouldn't have phrased it like that.
203
00:10:20,083 --> 00:10:23,125
But the store was in Jersey City,
and I didn't have a receipt,
204
00:10:23,208 --> 00:10:24,750
so it was a really hard task.
205
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:25,791
Do not worry.
206
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,958
I'll stick with Mother,
even if it kills me.
207
00:10:29,291 --> 00:10:31,833
Do you mind putting that in an email?
208
00:10:32,375 --> 00:10:34,750
You haven't been listening to me at all.
209
00:10:34,833 --> 00:10:38,375
This place doesn't have a gym,
it's east-facing, not south,
210
00:10:38,458 --> 00:10:41,875
and I'm pretty sure I saw an SNL
cast member getting off the elevator.
211
00:10:41,958 --> 00:10:44,375
- And what's wrong with that?
- It was a featured player.
212
00:10:44,458 --> 00:10:47,708
Ma'am, you are the most difficult client
I have ever worked with,
213
00:10:47,791 --> 00:10:50,333
and I was once pushed off a fire escape
by Faye Dunaway.
214
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:51,625
Oh my God, iconic.
215
00:10:51,708 --> 00:10:54,125
Andrew, we can work this out
in the Equinox steam room
216
00:10:54,208 --> 00:10:55,250
at 8:00 p.m. tomorrow.
217
00:10:55,333 --> 00:10:57,541
I'll be in the red flip-flops.
218
00:10:57,625 --> 00:10:59,291
Someone has an attitude problem.
219
00:10:59,375 --> 00:11:00,875
Yes, you.
220
00:11:00,958 --> 00:11:04,333
Lowering your standards
is the only way to enjoy New York.
221
00:11:04,416 --> 00:11:07,458
Last week, I saw Omarosa
as Velma Kelly in Chicago.
222
00:11:07,541 --> 00:11:09,541
She took a phone call
during "All That Jazz,"
223
00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:11,291
and we gave her a standing ovation.
224
00:11:11,375 --> 00:11:13,208
Maybe you're right.
225
00:11:13,291 --> 00:11:16,125
I might need
to lower my standards a little.
226
00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:19,208
Oh! I should look in your neighborhood!
It has to be cheap.
227
00:11:19,291 --> 00:11:21,833
I saw a Honda Accord
parked outside of your building.
228
00:11:21,916 --> 00:11:25,125
And you'll be close to me and can be
on call to help when the baby comes.
229
00:11:25,208 --> 00:11:27,708
Uh... our neighborhood?
230
00:11:27,791 --> 00:11:28,958
Are you sure?
231
00:11:29,041 --> 00:11:32,875
It's important to have
some standards, right, Eunice?
232
00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:34,708
Where's Eunice?
233
00:11:39,958 --> 00:11:43,458
Ruthie cannot live near us.
She's already here way too much.
234
00:11:43,541 --> 00:11:45,500
I agree. Ruthie no good.
235
00:11:45,583 --> 00:11:47,375
Keep sister far.
236
00:11:47,458 --> 00:11:49,166
Eunice go towards the light.
237
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:52,583
Away from the light, Eunice.
We've been over this. Focus.
238
00:11:52,666 --> 00:11:54,958
I've come up with a plan
that might fix things.
239
00:11:55,041 --> 00:11:56,458
This seems complicated.
240
00:11:56,541 --> 00:11:57,958
Oh, this is just a prop.
241
00:11:58,041 --> 00:12:00,750
I used to hook up with the guy
who did set dec for Homeland.
242
00:12:00,833 --> 00:12:01,958
The plan is simple.
243
00:12:02,041 --> 00:12:04,041
We take Ruthie
on a tour of our neighborhood
244
00:12:04,125 --> 00:12:06,625
and stage every interaction
to make sure it's a bad one.
245
00:12:06,708 --> 00:12:10,333
She'll hate this area so much
she'll never wanna move here.
246
00:12:10,416 --> 00:12:12,708
- How do you know these guys?
- I used to date...
247
00:12:12,791 --> 00:12:15,500
- Oh. All of them.
- Oh my God, Andrew!
248
00:12:15,583 --> 00:12:18,041
More exes? This is too important!
249
00:12:18,125 --> 00:12:20,958
I'm just so happy
to be included with all these exes.
250
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:24,458
And by the way, I have an idea.
What if we did, as a group, a kiss?
251
00:12:24,541 --> 00:12:27,583
First things first.
Let's just get this out of the way.
252
00:12:27,666 --> 00:12:28,875
Is anyone mad at me?
253
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,916
Good to know. Use that out there.
254
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,416
More details can be found
on our shared Signal thread.
255
00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:38,500
Signal? Isn't that the app for,
like, planning wars?
256
00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,833
Or for gay men to share their opinions
257
00:12:40,916 --> 00:12:43,375
about prestige actresses
they can't be on record about.
258
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:48,208
Oh my God, Scott just texted,
"Allison Janney. She's tall. So what?"
259
00:12:48,291 --> 00:12:51,375
So for the street-tough character
who I've named Lorenzo,
260
00:12:51,458 --> 00:12:52,875
could I get some more background?
261
00:12:52,958 --> 00:12:55,833
What's his attachment style?
What are his food allergies?
262
00:12:55,916 --> 00:12:58,000
What's his position
on Puerto Rican statehood?
263
00:12:58,083 --> 00:13:02,083
- Is he friends with your doctor character?
- I'm not a doctor. This is fashion.
264
00:13:02,166 --> 00:13:05,291
Hm. I feel like that's muddying the scene.
265
00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:07,375
Don't overthink it. Just be scary.
266
00:13:07,458 --> 00:13:08,708
Got it, scary.
267
00:13:08,791 --> 00:13:14,458
But, um, imperious scary, like Javert,
or, uh, sexy scary, like Macavity?
268
00:13:15,166 --> 00:13:19,125
Scary like when your doctor wants you
to come in for your STI results in person.
269
00:13:19,208 --> 00:13:21,708
Mm. Good note. Yeah, I'll play with it.
270
00:13:21,791 --> 00:13:23,708
You hooked up with that guy too?
271
00:13:23,791 --> 00:13:26,458
Not Tyler. God, I'm not a sex monster.
272
00:13:26,541 --> 00:13:29,500
I hooked up with his husband.
But they're open, I think, maybe.
273
00:13:29,583 --> 00:13:30,583
Oh.
274
00:13:30,666 --> 00:13:33,416
You guys were supposed to meet me
at the subway.
275
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:38,500
Ruthie, we're excited to show you
the places we love around here.
276
00:13:38,583 --> 00:13:41,125
That's right. Places.
277
00:13:42,041 --> 00:13:44,541
Ah! This area is actually really cute.
278
00:13:46,708 --> 00:13:48,375
What's going on here?
279
00:13:48,458 --> 00:13:52,375
So this is the new 32nd Avenue subway.
280
00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:56,375
We should be done
in 50, 60 years. Eighty tops.
281
00:13:56,458 --> 00:13:59,875
Eighty tops? C'mon.
282
00:13:59,958 --> 00:14:02,541
Well, I guess
I didn't move here for the quiet.
283
00:14:03,708 --> 00:14:06,125
Oh my God, what is that smell?
284
00:14:07,125 --> 00:14:09,875
Excuse me, sir. What are you doing?
285
00:14:09,958 --> 00:14:12,041
You've never heard of reverse trash day?
286
00:14:12,125 --> 00:14:14,625
I'm required by the city
to fill all these cans
287
00:14:14,708 --> 00:14:16,958
with stinky fish carcasses from the docks.
288
00:14:17,041 --> 00:14:18,833
Reverse trash day?
289
00:14:18,916 --> 00:14:22,041
Yeah, Eric Adams said
it came to him in a dream.
290
00:14:22,125 --> 00:14:25,458
I guess you probably don't want
to live in this neighborhood, huh?
291
00:14:25,541 --> 00:14:27,666
No, no, let's keep looking.
292
00:14:27,750 --> 00:14:31,125
It's like you said,
I need to lower my standards.
293
00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:32,666
I can be chill.
294
00:14:33,291 --> 00:14:34,416
I am chill.
295
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,291
I am the chillest.
296
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:37,708
Ruthie, you stay here.
297
00:14:37,791 --> 00:14:39,916
We're just going to dip into this bodega
for a second.
298
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,125
It was held up three times this morning.
299
00:14:42,708 --> 00:14:45,708
What's going on out there?
Nothing fazes her.
300
00:14:45,791 --> 00:14:46,625
Ugh.
301
00:14:46,708 --> 00:14:48,708
Maybe we should just end this charade.
302
00:14:48,791 --> 00:14:50,625
Why did we think we could stop a woman
303
00:14:50,708 --> 00:14:52,708
who once got a written apology
from Tim Cook
304
00:14:52,791 --> 00:14:54,541
for getting rid of the headphone jack?
305
00:14:54,625 --> 00:14:55,458
We can do this.
306
00:14:55,541 --> 00:14:58,833
Let me just double up this next dose
so I have the energy to continue.
307
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:00,583
Am I swallowing?
308
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:02,375
I feel like I'm swallowing.
309
00:15:02,458 --> 00:15:04,666
You sure you don't want
to look in another neighborhood?
310
00:15:04,750 --> 00:15:07,875
I hear northeastern Pennsylvania
is having a real renaissance.
311
00:15:07,958 --> 00:15:10,750
Only two and a half hours door-to-door.
312
00:15:10,833 --> 00:15:11,958
What the hell is this?
313
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:15,458
It's the community garden
where our neighbors grow fresh produce.
314
00:15:15,541 --> 00:15:19,208
So you're saying
there is shared ownership of the land?
315
00:15:19,291 --> 00:15:22,375
Yeah, the neighborhood association
even provides gardening tools.
316
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:27,458
So the workers are allowed
to own the means of production?
317
00:15:27,541 --> 00:15:28,625
Ah!
318
00:15:28,708 --> 00:15:30,708
This is socialism!
319
00:15:30,791 --> 00:15:33,958
I won't stand for this.
I don't even like fire departments.
320
00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:38,666
My tax dollars are supposed to pay
because you didn't put your cigarette out?
321
00:15:49,041 --> 00:15:52,708
I know I need to lower my standards,
but I can't live in this neighborhood.
322
00:15:52,791 --> 00:15:54,458
Holy shit, I think we did it.
323
00:15:54,541 --> 00:15:55,916
Yeah.
324
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,208
Just to recap, what did we do,
and who are you?
325
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:01,208
I'm having trouble seeing more than
a couple inches in front of my face.
326
00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:02,958
No sudden moves, lady!
327
00:16:03,041 --> 00:16:05,708
Hand over your pearls
or I'll give you the slipper, see?
328
00:16:05,791 --> 00:16:08,458
Oh no, you can't rob this poor woman
329
00:16:08,541 --> 00:16:12,333
who has already decided
she doesn't want to live here.
330
00:16:12,416 --> 00:16:15,041
Maybe you should wrap it up
and, uh, move along?
331
00:16:15,125 --> 00:16:17,000
Stop flapping your gums or I'll--
332
00:16:18,583 --> 00:16:20,291
Oh my God!
333
00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:24,625
What the hell, Andrew?
You promised me no combat scenes!
334
00:16:24,708 --> 00:16:27,666
Wait, you know this guy? Who is he?
335
00:16:27,750 --> 00:16:31,750
I'm Lorenzo, an avoidantly attached
street thug with a gluten intolerance
336
00:16:31,833 --> 00:16:34,250
who thinks there should never
be more than 50 states!
337
00:16:34,333 --> 00:16:36,541
Who stands in perfect ballet turnout?
338
00:16:36,625 --> 00:16:38,375
Perfect? Why thank you.
339
00:16:38,458 --> 00:16:40,833
Let me guess,
he's one of your former hookups too?
340
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:43,833
Actually, I hooked up with his husband.
They're open.
341
00:16:43,916 --> 00:16:45,083
We're not.
342
00:16:45,166 --> 00:16:46,000
They're not.
343
00:16:46,083 --> 00:16:48,708
You hired actors to scare me off?
344
00:16:48,791 --> 00:16:50,875
That's how much you don't want me around?
345
00:16:50,958 --> 00:16:54,833
Fine! I guess I'll just leave you
and Eunice alone forever.
346
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:56,541
Eunice?
347
00:16:57,041 --> 00:16:59,916
Eunice, I said stay away from the light!
348
00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:07,166
I'm okay--
349
00:17:13,375 --> 00:17:14,500
Hm...
350
00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:16,333
Huh?
351
00:17:16,416 --> 00:17:17,750
Where am I?
352
00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:20,291
Who are you?
353
00:17:20,375 --> 00:17:24,458
I'm Hayley Williams,
lead singer of Paramore,
354
00:17:24,541 --> 00:17:27,791
and you're in the deepest recesses
of your subconscious.
355
00:17:27,875 --> 00:17:29,416
I shall be your guide.
356
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:32,000
Wait, really? How did I get you?
357
00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:34,875
Remember that summer you worked at CVS?
358
00:17:34,958 --> 00:17:38,208
"Ain't It Fun" played every hour
in your store.
359
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:42,250
My song got so stuck in your head
that it's now your most intrinsic memory.
360
00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:43,500
Don't flatter yourself.
361
00:17:43,583 --> 00:17:45,000
As Paramore once sang,
362
00:17:45,083 --> 00:17:47,666
"What are you gonna do
when the world don't orbit around you?"
363
00:17:47,750 --> 00:17:49,083
You're right.
364
00:17:49,166 --> 00:17:50,916
Come with me, Eunice.
365
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,041
I'd like to show you around your mind.
366
00:17:56,583 --> 00:18:01,541
In each of these rooms lives a memory
that is foundational to your very being.
367
00:18:01,625 --> 00:18:05,500
To your left, you'll see that time Fergie
did front flips on the Today show
368
00:18:05,583 --> 00:18:07,083
while singing "Barracuda."
369
00:18:08,291 --> 00:18:10,750
And to your right, you'll see the moment
370
00:18:10,833 --> 00:18:13,833
where Tyra Banks pretended
to have rabies on her talk show.
371
00:18:15,375 --> 00:18:17,625
She won Emmys for that show.
372
00:18:17,708 --> 00:18:22,291
Are all my memories of pop culture?
Isn't there anything of, like, my family?
373
00:18:22,375 --> 00:18:25,208
Oh, yeah. It's just way in the back.
374
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:30,791
Oh, here's a fun one.
375
00:18:30,875 --> 00:18:33,833
You and Andrew
trying to teach your Furby how to swear.
376
00:18:35,875 --> 00:18:37,750
No, Furby. English!
377
00:18:37,833 --> 00:18:39,166
Furby hungry.
378
00:18:39,750 --> 00:18:42,333
We wouldn't let him eat
until he said "ass."
379
00:18:42,416 --> 00:18:45,125
He ended up starving to death.
I love this memory.
380
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,791
No, Eunice, look. There's more.
381
00:18:47,875 --> 00:18:51,875
Oh, are you guys seriously
playing with baby toys? Grow up.
382
00:18:51,958 --> 00:18:53,875
If you're just gonna make fun of us,
383
00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:57,583
go put files in your briefcase
or whatever grown-ups do.
384
00:18:57,666 --> 00:19:00,750
Damn! She just called you a grown-up!
385
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:08,208
Did Ruthie feel left out?
That's sad. But we were just kids.
386
00:19:08,291 --> 00:19:11,166
It wasn't just that time. Look.
387
00:19:12,333 --> 00:19:14,000
I'll look in your neighborhood.
388
00:19:14,083 --> 00:19:15,791
That way, you'll be close to me
389
00:19:15,875 --> 00:19:18,500
and can be on call
to help when the baby comes.
390
00:19:20,625 --> 00:19:24,458
Huh. So that's why Ruthie hangs around
so much and gives us so much shit.
391
00:19:24,541 --> 00:19:27,833
Because she wants
to find a way to be included.
392
00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:31,000
Wow, Eunice. You're so smart.
393
00:19:31,083 --> 00:19:33,500
So insightful.
394
00:19:33,583 --> 00:19:35,083
Thanks.
395
00:19:35,166 --> 00:19:38,541
Are we vibing right now?
396
00:19:40,083 --> 00:19:42,500
Ain't it fun
397
00:19:42,583 --> 00:19:47,041
Living in the real world?
398
00:19:50,208 --> 00:19:52,458
Nurse, get in here. My sister is coding.
399
00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:55,291
Oh, she's not coding.
400
00:19:55,375 --> 00:19:57,625
She's about to finish.
401
00:19:57,708 --> 00:19:59,375
Yeah, Hayley Williams.
402
00:19:59,458 --> 00:20:01,708
I should be nice to my sister.
403
00:20:02,208 --> 00:20:03,666
Oh, yeah.
404
00:20:03,750 --> 00:20:05,000
Right there.
405
00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:06,083
Where were you?
406
00:20:06,166 --> 00:20:09,375
I got roped into a transplant
and never found a good time to tell them.
407
00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:12,291
I didn't cut anything out,
I only put stuff back!
408
00:20:13,625 --> 00:20:16,041
Eunice, you were in a coma. Are you okay?
409
00:20:16,125 --> 00:20:20,041
Any way to put me back for five minutes?
I feel like I can get there in five.
410
00:20:20,125 --> 00:20:23,208
Hi, I'm Dr. Piss. Yes, it's my birth name.
411
00:20:23,291 --> 00:20:25,750
No, I do not want to talk about it.
412
00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:27,416
Anyway, glad to see you're awake.
413
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:31,125
I must ask, how long exactly
have you been undergoing cancer treatment?
414
00:20:31,208 --> 00:20:34,458
You must have the wrong chart.
Eunice doesn't have cancer.
415
00:20:34,541 --> 00:20:36,875
Well, her labs show
that she's taking a drug for it.
416
00:20:36,958 --> 00:20:37,958
Cancer?
417
00:20:38,041 --> 00:20:40,125
No, it's a diet drug called Mother.
418
00:20:42,958 --> 00:20:47,458
This is a bag of expired chemotherapy.
You were putting this into your body?
419
00:20:47,541 --> 00:20:51,083
It wasn't that bad.
And I lost a lot of weight and teeth.
420
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:54,416
- A few more days wouldn't hurt--
- Stop taking chemotherapy immediately.
421
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:55,750
Yep, copy that.
422
00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:59,708
Well, now that I know you're okay,
I'll get going.
423
00:20:59,791 --> 00:21:03,625
Wouldn't want my siblings to have to hire
more actors to get rid of me
424
00:21:03,708 --> 00:21:05,333
because they hate me so much.
425
00:21:05,416 --> 00:21:08,458
Ruthie, we don't hate you.
We just don't like being around you.
426
00:21:08,541 --> 00:21:09,375
Thanks.
427
00:21:09,458 --> 00:21:11,333
No, Ruthie, it's okay.
428
00:21:11,416 --> 00:21:14,541
When I was talking to Hayley Williams
of Paramore inside my own mind...
429
00:21:14,625 --> 00:21:15,583
Just let her go with it.
430
00:21:15,666 --> 00:21:18,125
...I realized, yes,
you're always on our case.
431
00:21:18,208 --> 00:21:22,291
But maybe that's because
you might be a little jealous of us.
432
00:21:22,375 --> 00:21:24,541
Like when we'd play Furby
and leave you out.
433
00:21:24,625 --> 00:21:27,708
Please, I don't feel left out at all.
434
00:21:27,791 --> 00:21:30,458
My credit score is double yours, combined.
435
00:21:30,541 --> 00:21:32,583
I have Condoleezza Rice's phone number.
436
00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:34,958
I mainly use it for prank calls,
but I have it.
437
00:21:35,041 --> 00:21:37,083
Ruthie, do you hear yourself?
438
00:21:37,166 --> 00:21:39,125
This is the language of jealousy.
439
00:21:39,208 --> 00:21:41,166
Yeah, Ruthie. I say this with love.
440
00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:43,541
You're being
a hysterical, crazy bitch right now.
441
00:21:43,625 --> 00:21:45,291
Fine.
442
00:21:45,375 --> 00:21:49,083
Maybe, theoretically,
I am jealous that you are so similar.
443
00:21:49,166 --> 00:21:51,291
Like you have
the same celebrity hall pass.
444
00:21:51,375 --> 00:21:53,208
Both of the Property Brothers
at the same time.
445
00:21:53,291 --> 00:21:55,958
Jonathan in the front,
Drew hitting it from the back.
446
00:21:56,041 --> 00:22:00,375
So, yes, maybe I would like
to be included more,
447
00:22:00,458 --> 00:22:02,500
and that's why I spend
so much time at your place.
448
00:22:02,583 --> 00:22:04,750
Does this mean you still
wanna live in our neighborhood?
449
00:22:04,833 --> 00:22:06,416
Oh God, no!
450
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:09,083
I saw a bunch of white people
doing capoeira in the park.
451
00:22:09,166 --> 00:22:10,208
I could never.
452
00:22:10,291 --> 00:22:12,416
How about, as a compromise,
453
00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:14,583
I find a place not too far away.
454
00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:15,791
One subway stop.
455
00:22:15,875 --> 00:22:18,125
Mm... Make it four.
456
00:22:18,208 --> 00:22:19,708
- Two.
- Express stops.
457
00:22:19,791 --> 00:22:22,291
- One express, one local. Best and final.
- Deal.
458
00:22:22,375 --> 00:22:24,958
We got a code blue.
Dr. Dang, we need you in triage.
459
00:22:25,041 --> 00:22:26,833
- On it! Scrubbing in!
- No.
460
00:22:26,916 --> 00:22:29,291
Right, I am not a doctor.
461
00:22:29,375 --> 00:22:31,791
But I can still grab
some coffees for the nurses.
462
00:22:31,875 --> 00:22:33,958
Nikki, oat milk, right?
463
00:22:35,208 --> 00:22:38,458
This place doesn't have
everything I want, but it's a start.
464
00:22:38,541 --> 00:22:40,416
So you're telling me I turn this dial
465
00:22:40,500 --> 00:22:43,083
and the temperature of the room
changes to that number?
466
00:22:43,166 --> 00:22:44,208
What is this, Hogwarts?
467
00:22:44,291 --> 00:22:46,958
I can't believe you cook food
in your underwear drawer.
468
00:22:47,041 --> 00:22:48,708
You guys grew up in the suburbs.
469
00:22:48,791 --> 00:22:51,208
You've experienced
normal appliances before.
470
00:22:51,291 --> 00:22:53,666
Real New Yorkers
remember nothing before coming here.
471
00:22:53,750 --> 00:22:55,625
Well, I'm glad it all worked out.
472
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:58,208
And thanks for getting your ex
to help with the repairs.
473
00:22:58,291 --> 00:23:03,125
Keys for new locks
to keep out the filthy Moldovans.
474
00:23:03,208 --> 00:23:06,041
Thanks, Yaroslav. What do I owe you?
475
00:23:06,125 --> 00:23:08,625
For Andrew's sister, you pay nothing.
476
00:23:09,125 --> 00:23:11,708
See you at nine for Drag Race All Stars.
477
00:23:11,791 --> 00:23:13,375
I'll bring the potatoes.
478
00:23:13,458 --> 00:23:15,458
He mostly eats raw potatoes.
479
00:23:15,541 --> 00:23:19,083
Okay, guys, it's time to get moving.
I need to get some work done.
480
00:23:19,166 --> 00:23:21,291
Ooh! Can we supermarket sweep real quick?
481
00:23:21,375 --> 00:23:24,250
Fine. I'm setting the timer
for one minute.
482
00:23:24,333 --> 00:23:25,291
Go!
483
00:23:25,375 --> 00:23:26,958
Yes! Oh yes, that's mine.
484
00:23:27,041 --> 00:23:28,541
- Oh my God, yogurt!
- Mine!
485
00:23:30,875 --> 00:23:32,458
Wow, Eunice, I love the hat.
486
00:23:32,541 --> 00:23:36,458
Aw, thanks. My hair is still regrowing
from the poison you made me take.
487
00:23:36,541 --> 00:23:39,666
Well, it was worth it.
People love your article,
488
00:23:39,750 --> 00:23:42,916
"I tried chemo every day for two days,
and here's what happened."
489
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,541
It has the most clicks
in Klerp's history, Eunice.
490
00:23:45,625 --> 00:23:46,708
Wow, more than
491
00:23:46,791 --> 00:23:49,791
"You won't believe how disgusting
this celebrity's wife looks now."
492
00:23:49,875 --> 00:23:52,291
And because you did such a good job,
493
00:23:52,375 --> 00:23:56,250
I'd like you to try another
wellness treatment and write about it.
494
00:23:56,333 --> 00:23:57,708
Uh...
495
00:23:57,791 --> 00:24:00,208
I don't know. My body's still recovering.
496
00:24:00,291 --> 00:24:03,291
This one is just reviewing
a new Korean spa.
497
00:24:03,375 --> 00:24:06,541
Oh, that's fine.
That actually sounds kind of relaxing.
498
00:24:06,625 --> 00:24:10,750
Perfect. It is in the Demilitarized Zone
between North and South Korea,
499
00:24:10,833 --> 00:24:14,458
and the US Embassy says
you will be legally on your own.
500
00:24:14,541 --> 00:24:16,541
I'll tell them you're in!
501
00:24:16,625 --> 00:24:19,500
Can I have your daughter
For the rest of my life?
502
00:24:19,583 --> 00:24:22,416
Say yes, say yes
'Cause I need to know
503
00:24:22,500 --> 00:24:25,875
You say I'll never get your blessing
'Til the day I die
504
00:24:25,958 --> 00:24:30,041
Tough luck, my friend
But no still means no
505
00:24:30,125 --> 00:24:33,666
- Oh, why you gotta be so rude?
- Be so rude
506
00:24:33,750 --> 00:24:36,958
- Don't you know I'm human too?
- A human too
507
00:24:37,041 --> 00:24:39,750
- Why you gotta be so
- Be so
508
00:24:39,833 --> 00:24:43,041
- I'm gonna, I'm gonna, oh!
- I'm gonna marry her anyway
509
00:24:43,125 --> 00:24:44,958
Marry that girl, Ruthie!
510
00:24:45,041 --> 00:24:46,375
Marry her anyway, Ruthie!
511
00:24:46,458 --> 00:24:49,916
Marry that girl, Ruthie
Marry her anyway
512
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,125
Marry that girl
513
00:24:51,208 --> 00:24:53,791
And we'll be a family
514
00:24:53,875 --> 00:24:56,625
So why you gotta be so-- Excuse me.
515
00:24:56,708 --> 00:24:59,250
Rude?
516
00:24:59,333 --> 00:25:00,500
Yeah
517
00:25:00,583 --> 00:25:06,125
- Why you gotta be so cruel?
- Attitude-y
518
00:25:06,208 --> 00:25:10,458
- Oh, yeah, why you gotta be so rude?
- Rude